and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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