Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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