I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
