He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm way too hungover for life right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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