That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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