Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize