Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
