I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize