Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
