His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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