it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
