Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
