I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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