I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
