This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
