I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
