Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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