I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
