So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
