You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
