I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
