Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
