So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
