You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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