I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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