maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
