No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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