fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
