he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
