that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
