I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
