i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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