you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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