I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
