is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
