your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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