I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
