My liver just broke up with me...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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