mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
