my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize