evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
