dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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