Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
