So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize