i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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