why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She is in my trunk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
