I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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