Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
