Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
