too bad you live with your parents still
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
