he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
