He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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