That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
