I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize