Banned from zoo.
Again?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
