I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
