Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
