She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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