no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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