Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
