Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
