Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
