just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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