The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
