bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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