You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What a dumb baby whore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
