at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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