I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize