Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize