3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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