Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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