I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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