Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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