I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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