I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
