Don't make out with my wife yet
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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