HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
