It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
