Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A bitchslap is in order.
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