The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
