who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
